Guest Post - My Sister Remembers - Part Seven

When I look back I can understand why my mum and dad were worried about me wanting to get married. There was a six-year age gap between Bob and I, and I had never had any other serious relationships. I still had to be home by 9pm (unless there was a dance) and Bob always made sure I was. We wanted to get married when I was seventeen, but mum and dad would not hear of it. We got engaged anyway on a day trip to Windsor, and we went to Aldershot where he bought me a lovely Sapphire ring. That caused a real upset as my friend, Violet, told my parents before I had a chance to talk to them. My dad was furious and said I could not get married until I was nineteen, he did not believe we would still be together then.

Bob in 1961

Bob’s family always made me welcome. We often visited Mike (Bob’s brother) his wife Pat and their daughter Marian in Alton. Bob was Marian's Godfather, and he thought an awful lot of her. They lived in a bungalow with all mod cons. There was no bathroom in Bob’s parent’s house, and so he visited Pat and Mike once a week to have a bath. After we got married, we had no bathroom either so the regular trips to Alton went on.   

We proved dad wrong and on the 3rd June 1961 Bob and I were married at Long Sutton Church. Mum persuaded me to buy a second-hand dress for the wedding, which I always regretted, but everyone said it looked nice, and it did save money. It had a high neck and was embossed net over satin with a full skirt. I managed to upset one of Bob’s Aunties by not asking her to make my wedding dress. None of the family thought to tell me it was the tradition which was a shame because I could have had a dress in the style I really wanted. She was the only invited guest who failed to turn up at our wedding.

I was up bright and early on the morning of the wedding.  Mrs. Matheson offered me flowers from the garden at Well Manor to decorate the church. It was a perfect day with not a cloud in the sky and my arms were soon full of roses, delphiniums, Ladies Mantle and lots of greenery. I cycled to Long Sutton and arranged the flowers all around the church which took much longer than expected. When I got home mum was in a panic as I had only half an hour to get ready. My hair had been washed and set in Odiham on the previous day so, pin in the kiss curl, a quick wash and into my dress, face powder, lipstick, brush out pin curl, clip on veil and ready.

Left to Right - Jack Wood, Hartie Wood, Mike Wood, Marian, Bob, Sue, Barbara Flitney, Rene Flitney, Denis Flitney

My bouquet turned up just in time and the bridesmaids, Barbara and Bob’s Goddaughter Marian, both wore pretty dresses and carried baskets of flowers in pastel colours. I can’t remember, but I expect dad had to go to Alton to pick Marian up. I know she, and my sister got on really well and Barbara was very good and looked after Marian all day. (Actually Sue I think Marian looked after me – she was much younger but also far more sensible!) Dad and one of the uncles dressed their cars with white ribbon and off we all went to the church. Mum wore a lovely blue/grey pleated dress, which really suited her, so much so that she was buried in the same dress several years later. Mike was Bob’s best man and managed to get him to the church on time. The rest of the family from Alton hired a coach to get to the church, which was the easiest solution as few people had cars in those days, and public transport was hopeless.

As I walked into the church on dad’s arm the organist (not the usual one) played “Fight the Good Fight” which as you might imagine caused quite a laugh. The Rural Dean, the Rev Knapp who was the vicar at East Worldham took the ceremony along with the Vicar of Long Sutton. We had the full choir and the bell ringers. After the ceremony, photographs were taken outside the church, it was still a lovely sunny day, and half the village turned out to watch. Our reception was held in Long Sutton Village Hall. Friends and neighbours helped prepare the food the evening before, and it was while setting it all up that Bob caused a stir by turning up. “Its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding” was the cry that went around the hall, but I wasn't worried as I felt sure that only counted on the actual wedding day.

Left to Right - Hartie Wood (mother of the groom) , Rene Flitney (mother of the bride), Cousin John Flitney, Bob, Sue and Bob's Aunt Olive.
The little lad in front is Colin Smith (son of Aunt Jean & Uncle Graham)

The reception was not like wedding receptions of today with all the expense they incur and we managed to do it all very cheaply. The glasses and drink came from the local pub on the understanding that anything unused could be returned for a refund. Bentley Stores delivered lots of cakes, and we made egg, ham (best ham!) and corned beef sandwiches. We put out tables, covered with mum’s pretty embroidered tablecloths, plates of sandwiches and cakes on each table and everyone had these with either an alcoholic drink or a cup of tea.

The wedding cake was a wedding present from mum and dad, but we paid for everything else ourselves. Unfortunately, the cake was so hard it proved impossible to cut, the best we could do was pose for photographs with the uncut cake. Later mum and dad managed to hack some slices out of it to pass around to the guests.  My granddad got very drunk and decided to walk off with half the presents, but very quickly got stopped in his tracks and told to put them back. He could not understand that we might need ten tea towels! My Godmother, Rebecca West, was out of the country but she sent us a cheque for £50.00 – a lot of money in those days.

Visiting Wimble Hill Hospital, Uncle Bill (Bill Harding brother of Rene Harding nee Flitney) acting as chauffeur.

After the wedding we visited Wimble Hill hospital and I gave the oldest patient my bouquet – beautiful yellow roses and Gypsophila. Our friends Brian and Sue drove us down to Bracklesham Bay for our honeymoon, and the reality of married life started to hit home. Bob’s mum enjoyed spoiling him, and after he left the Fleet Air Arm she did all his ironing and generally looked after him. It didn't go down too well when on the second day of our honeymoon, I was required to iron a shirt using a flat iron (I had only ever used an electric one) add to that the fact I wanted to go for a walk but Bob wanted to go to the Club House to watch cricket. I decided to go for a walk on my own but struck up a friendship with a lovely Red Setter and he and I spent many hours walking together while Bob watched sport. Mind you as the years went by Bob would certainly change and always wanted to celebrate Valentines Day and any anniversary. Even when we were really hard up he would buy me a little trinket or a plant for the garden….

Sue and friend

Memories of Susan Poulter nee Flitney; Sue is my older sister (although she looks younger!)

/To be continued

Previous instalments here, here, here, here, here and here

The Flitney Family at home for Christmas

Sepia Saturday 259 : Families, meals, and Christmas.

This is one of my favourite photographs taken at Well Manor Farm Cottages (Well, Long Sutton, Hampshire, United Kingdom) in 1959. Dad (Denis Flitney) is looking directly at the camera which is a shame because the reflection from the flash has almost obscured his ‘celery moustache’. My sister Sue has a big smile on her face as she notices what he is up to, mum and brother Tony are both in on the joke while I'm trying to hide, which is my natural inclination when anyone points a camera in my direction.  My sister’s then boyfriend (soon to be husband) Bob Wood took the photo, he and dad were constantly larking around and a piece of celery above the top lip was always good for a laugh.

L to R Sue, Tony, Rene, Denis and me (Barbara) trying to hide.

It’s hard to miss the highly patterned and very fashionable (at the time) fiberglass curtains. Mum sent away for them after seeing an advert in the Daily Mirror - 100% glass, never need ironing, perfectly washable, no sun rot, fade resistant, fire safe, no stretch and no shrink.  What the advert failed to mention was the importance of putting on industrial-strength gloves before going anywhere near the pesky things! Glass fibres in fingertips hurt.

We all loved Lucy, but we were not so keen on fiberglass fingers.

I'm not sure what’s going on in this picture, but I can imagine Bob saying something like "hold it" and we did. Mum with her cup of tea, me with a Christmas cracker, brother Tony with a plate of bread and butter with a cracker on top, dad pretending to eat a mince pie, and Sue flirting with the photographer! According to the captions in the album, the photographs were all taken on the same day, but I feel sure they must have been different days over the Christmas holiday. Either that or we were in the habit of changing our clothes twice a day! 

In this photo, Bob has come out from behind the camera, and we've been joined by Kosset cat (named after the brand of carpets by the same name). Sue must have been about eighteen when these were taken so that would make me twelve. Those were the days when mum liked to ‘set’ my hair on pipe cleaners. I was supposed to end up looking like Shirley Temple, but nothing could be further from the truth.  The pipe cleaners had a soft fleecy outer layer over flexible wires, which felt fairly comfortable when I went to bed but by the morning were nothing short of torture, which might explain the bags under my eyes.

It’s now time for a short Christmas break. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read my blog and to my sister Sue and cousin John for all their contributions. 

Best wishes for happiness at Christmas and in the coming year. 

Please visit Sepia Saturday for more holiday greetings.

Guest Post – My Sister Remembers – Part Six

As previously mentioned (here) apple picking season was the highlight of the year at Well Manor Farm, but cricket season came a close second.  Not that I liked cricket, but it was a good place to meet boys, especially when the lads from Lord Wandsworth College were playing. I met a lovely looking lad called Dai at one of the matches. We really liked each other, but as soon as his parents heard we were “walking out together" it came to a very abrupt halt with a letter from him telling me I was unsuitable.  Considering we had only known each other for about a month and had not even held hands, I felt that was a bit harsh!

Another of my school friends had a brother, Colin. He and I started “courting” and it wasn't long before he was visiting me at home once or twice a week. Colin loved playing cards and as this was my mum and dad's favourite leisure pursuit they all got on very well. He would arrive, play cards, eat supper and go home – just what a girl needed. Mum and Dad thought he was the bee's knees and within a very short time were thinking of getting us married off. I felt sure life must have more to offer and tried to let him down gently, but he would not go away. Violet (my friend from next door) and I spent some time plotting about how we could get rid of him. When he next arrived, we ambushed him (I am not proud of what happened next) and covered him in lipstick – all over his face and all over his clean white shirt. The poor lad was really upset about having to go home in that state, but it put an end to his visits. Mum and dad were curious to know what had happened so I told them he was fed up with playing cards!

Sue and Colin

Luckily, Colin's sister remained friends with me, and I started to go to the youth club in Long Sutton and to the Old-Time dance club with her, and her friend Margaret. Margaret’s boyfriend brought another lad with him one week. His name was Robin (known as Bob) Wood. Bob was six years older than me and had just come out of The Fleet Air Arm and was very handsome.    I really liked him, but I think he just saw me as a young girl. One night while we were at the dance club I tried to impress him with my flirtatious chat, but he sternly told me to “Shush” as he was trying to listen to the dance teacher – very firmly put in my place! Margaret and friends asked me to go to the Easter Dance with them in 1958, a couple of months before my sixteenth birthday, it was being held at the Drill Hall in Alton (the hall is no loner there). I cycled to Long Sutton, left my bicycle at my friend's house and carried on to Alton with them in Margaret's boyfriends car.  Bob was there when we arrived with a very smart young lady. I wore my mum’s one and only evening dress, which was years old but fitted me like a dream. It was short, black with a little stiff narrow belt and shot through with gold lurex. Halfway through the evening while on the way back to my chair I slipped and in an effort to save myself grabbed the back of  Bob's  lady friends chair, which resulted in her ending up on the floor, she was not amused, in fact, she was furious. Maybe it was just the nudge Bob needed because he asked me to dance and by the end of the evening we were getting on famously. Margaret's boyfriend offered me a lift home, so it was decided I would leave my bike at Long Sutton and collect it the next day.  In those days the rules were that I had to be in by 9pm, but on this occasion I had permission to be home at 10pm, but it was nearer eleven when we arrived. Dad heard the car pull up saw men in it and came out with his shotgun!!! (I laughed at this bit Sue – I can remember many occasions when dad greeted my boyfriends with a shotgun – it certainly sorted the men from the boys!)

Sue c1957

Dad had calmed down by the next morning and suggested I ask Bob home to tea on the Sunday. He was quite brave and came to tea, (best ham sandwiches and trifle as I remember). I then started going to East Worldham some Sundays to have tea with his family. His Dad, Jack Wood, had been the local blacksmith but was retired due to ill health. His mum, Hartie, worked part-time at the village school, she belonged to the Women’s Institute and was a staunch member of the congregation at St. Mary’s Church. It wasn’t long before Bob and I were meeting up each weekend and on Wednesday evenings. We spent many summer evenings just walking and talking. Later, Bob bought a motorbike, and we started going further from home. We often went into Basingstoke to the pictures and then to a café for poached eggs on toast and coffee, which I hated but as everyone else was drinking it I thought I was very grown up doing the same. At weekends in the summer we would go to Southsea or Hayling Island and delight in passing the queues of cars waiting to cross the bridge on to the Island. We also visited Bobs Aunt Olive and Uncle Bill in Fareham and loved listening to all Uncle Bill’s war stories. We would have a drink in the local pub, and Aunt Olive always served up a lovely old-fashioned tea when we got back. It was a nice gentle courtship with very few problems, and it was only on the odd occasion I would catch myself thinking “am I doing the right thing?”

Sue, Bob and Peggy c1958

I left school as soon as I could and got a job as an auxiliary nurse at Wimble Hill Hospital, Farnham. I would cycle off early in the mornings and head towards Farnham, in the spring the blossom was lovely and the views from the top road are well worth seeing. I loved the work, although it was exhausting and often quite upsetting. The patients all had what we now call senile dementia or Alzheimer's, but in those days it was all classed as “mental illness.”

Wimble Hill Hospital (Sue in centre)

The hospital had a large day room and bathrooms downstairs with two wards upstairs. The patients used to spend all day sitting in the day room with very little to do and very few visitors. One day I decided to play a tune on the old piano that sat in the corner and within minutes most of the patients were singing along. Some of the other nurses were annoyed, but the Sister was pleased and from then on it became a regular part of the day. Life was not easy for patients or staff in those days. I spent many hours helping to lift patients into the bath and into bed. One of the warnings we were given was that we must never enter the night dormitory on our own. But one evening I heard a patient crying and thought I would slip up and make sure she was all right – big mistake. I looked through the glass at the top of the door and as everyone seemed to be in bed I let myself in. Next minute a little old lady had a pair of stockings tight around my neck trying to strangle me, it was a good job I was young and strong and could push her away. I got into all sorts of bother over it and was given the job of cleaning patient denture's night and morning for weeks! I must have been good at my job though because  the Sister on my ward wanted me to do my nurse's training in Basingstoke, but  by now things were pretty serious with Bob and there was no way I was going to move into nurse's accommodation and risk seeing less of him…

 Sue (front row centre) and colleagues Wimble Hill hospital

Memories of Susan Poulter nee Flitney; Sue is my older sister (although she looks younger!)

Previous instalments here, here, here, here and here

Guest Post - My Sister Remembers - Part Five

Memories of Susan Poulter nee Flitney; Sue is my older sister (although she looks younger!)

Previous instalments here, here, here and here 

After a while dad found a job At Well Manor Farm in Hampshire. Mum hadn't seen the house and knew nothing at all about the farm. Dad took the job on the understanding that we would be moving into a new (as yet unbuilt) cottage.  We were told we would be staying at a place called No Man's Land while the cottage was built. When we arrived, someone was already living at No Man's Land, it was evening, and we and our furniture had nowhere to go. Dad managed to contact his employer who at that time was staying at a hotel in London prior to moving his wife and family to the farm. There was nothing else for it, the owner and his family ended up staying in London for an extra few months while we moved into The Manor House! I had totally forgotten or shut out memories of living at the Manor, I often had what I thought were dreams about it, but my sister Barbara assures me it actually happened.

  
Sue how could you forget? It was luxury compared to what we were used to - masses of bedrooms and a big old staircase that always reminded me of Gone with the wind. Not to mention the tennis court in the garden and the two giant tortoises a previous owner of the manor left in the grounds!

The back garden No Man's Lane

There used to be apple and pear orchards beyond the fence.

No Man's Land consisted of two semi-detached house on the edge of the village and, as far as mum was concerned, the village was miles from anywhere. Mum was also horrified to find the cottage had no electricity. Us kids found it a bit of a novelty (until it came to doing our homework with the very little light the gas mantels gave out) I remember mum and dad having awful rows at this time and once mum put a saucepan through the TV. It was really a grim time for us kids, especially Barbara, who was quite young and very frightened by it all. Our neighbours were Hampshire "born and bred” and one day when I saw them, they said “Hello Mush” to me – how rude and uncouth I thought, but it seems that was not the case at all, it was quite an affectionate and civil greeting.

Again, I had to go to an all girls’ school, Basingstoke High School for Girls, and it was just like going back to High Wycombe – how I hated it!!

Basingstoke High School for Girls (now Costello Technical College, Crossborough Hill, Basingstoke. 

This time it was even worse as mum and dad couldn't afford to get me the proper uniform, so I had to go in the uniform from Aylesbury until some second-hand clothes could be found for me. The girls there did not like my Buckinghamshire dialect, and I was teased unmercifully. I was allowed to go on one school holiday to the Lake District but there was no money for walking boots, so I slipped and slid around the Lakes (including climbing Hellvelyn) in slip on shoes. I don’t think dad ever got over the fact the Rebecca West didn't change her mind about the pigs. I think he always thought she would ask him back and our fortunes would change, but it was not to be.

Life was very stressful at Well for quite some time. Mum always hated No Man's Land, while dad loved the remoteness of it all.  He would take her to Alton, Farnham or Odiham shopping once a week, but there were no buses unless you walked or cycled to Long Sutton or Odiham, and then you could get to Basingstoke.

The buses were few and far between, and I used to arrive slightly late for assembly in the morning and was usually very late home.  I joined the hockey team, but if I wanted to play a match, I would have to cycle to Odiham in the morning as the bus back to Long Sutton left too early. Dad would never pick me up so it meant a cycle ride of four to five miles each way. Barbara went to school at Odiham and either dad or his boss’s wife would take her. Tony had already left school and worked on the farm with Dad. Long Sutton was about two miles away, and that was our nearest shop so mum did a lot of walking in those days! I imagine she was very lonely as it really was a small village. She and dad used to row all the time and she threatened to take her own life a couple of times.

The new cottages were eventually built and that made life a little easier. The Collins family moved into the one next door, and their daughter Violet became my friend and ally. The cottage was closer to the centre of the village and had electric light and gas for cooking. There was also a lovely big area for a garden and mum and dad set to and laid it all out with flowers and vegetables and for a while life seemed happier.

Dad working in the garden at Well

Well Manor Cottages – the garden was mum's pride and joy.  

The basic problem of no social life for mum was still there though. At the time, we didn't have much sympathy for her as she always seemed to be in black moods; I can just imagine now what it must have been like for her.  She came from a large family of Londoners who were very sociable; she used to go to the ballrooms in London as a teenager and had a good old time.  As far as I can remember from mum’s tales of “the good old days” she was working “in service” for a Harley Street doctor and met dad when he delivered milk to the house. They courted, and she fell in love. Dad was a really nice-looking  young man but, once married to a farm worker, her social life almost came to an end. It was forty years before she went out for dinner in a restaurant. Tony and his wife Eva, Barbara and Terry, and myself and Bob along with all the children, took mum and dad to Lakeside at Frimley for their 40th wedding anniversary. I don’t think dad even wanted to go to that really. 

The one good thing for me about school at Basingstoke was that I met my friend Fran. She lived at Odiham and would bring her pony up to the farm. I also had a friend in the village, Mrs. Biddlecombe, who owned an old grey pony called Nobby. He used to pull a milk cart but had been retired. Anyway, Mrs. B knew I was horse mad and let me borrow him and Fran and I would ride for hours – again I only had a rope halter for Nobby. I used to follow the hunt using just the rope halter and Nobby would fly over the biggest jumps with the best of ‘em. Looking back I expect I was frowned on quite heavily, but I didn’t care. I only gave up following the hunt the day I was in at the kill and the Master of the hunt gave me the blooded paw of the fox – poor fox.

Sue and friends in the garden at Well

I occasionally stayed in Basingstoke after school to go to the pictures with another friend, Megan. Her family were members of The Salvation Army who made me very welcome and were happy to take me home at the end of the evening. It was strange visiting people in a town house, who seemed to have plenty of money and whose table always groaned with food. Megan’s mum and dad were very independent and seemed to enjoy each other’s company, but would come and go as they pleased. Much different from our home, where if mum went out too often on her own dad would not speak to her for days on end.

Peggy

The highlight of the year at Well Manor Farm was apple-picking season. In those days they still had fairly large orchards, although these were all pulled out at a later date, and it was all hands on deck once the apples were ripe.  There were Russets, Cox’s, Discovery, Blenheims and James Grieve, there may have been others whose names I can't remember – really lovely old English apples. We spent days picking the apples and packing them into boxes ready to go off to the wholesalers. I remember Peggy, our Jack Russell Terrier in the packing sheds “ratting”, dad would often have to pull huge rats off her ears or tail. She always seemed to have chunks out of her body, but it couldn't have done her too much damage as she lived to a grand old age. We would get enough apples to store for the winter for our own use, and apples have never tasted the same since those days.

Thanks to the blacksmith who visited the farm, I was able to get a weekend job at Pococks riding stables in Wrecclesham. I would be up before dawn, cycle to Wrecclesham to get the horses ready to go out to the hunt. I would delight in cleaning the tack, and eventually I was allowed to ride in gymkhanas, which was great fun. I had some second-hand jodhpurs and a waterproof riding coat and thought I was the bee’s knees.

High Street, Odiham c1950s.

Later on I got a Saturday job at Dickers Grocers in Odiham. This was the place where I really started to learn what “growing up” was all about.  In Well I had no friends older than me but the girls I worked with at the shop seemed very sophisticated. I had never used make up so the girls showed me how to use it and how to make more of my hair. They chatted about their romances and exciting outings with boys to rock and roll concerts, and it was like entering another world. The best part of the job was getting my pay packet at the end of the week and being able to save for things I wanted. I remember buying my first pair of court shoes and mum and dad being horrified as they had one-inch heels...

Memories of Susan Poulter nee Flitney; Sue is my older sister (although she looks younger!)

Previous instalments here, here, here and here 

To be continued...